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Back in May of this year, I was in Halifax on a business trip, when I realized I forgot to bring a razor with me. Rather than let my less-than-stellar beard grow in, I decided to go pick up some inexpensive disposable razors. So off to the local drugstore I went, where I found a five pack of Gillette “Good News!” razors.

I’m not really sure what the good news is, but I found it kind of humourous nonetheless. It reminds me of some kind of poor Japanese-to-English translation or something.

So a few days ago, I was shaving and decided to look at the ingredients on the can of shaving cream. I was using Gillette’s “Foamy Barber Shop Clean” cream. To my surprise, I found the ingredients included isobutane, propane and butane, three very flammable substances. This concerned me a little, since I put this stuff on my face and genitals all the time. Uh, I mean face only….

After doing a bit of research, I realized these extremely flammable chemicals are used as a propellant, and they evaporate quite quickly upon being released from the can. However, I was pretty sure there would be some residual propane or butane left in the foam. So my brothers and I did a little test. We took an ordinary candle and the can of hot flaming death and we saw flames! The makes me question the safety of such a common household product. What if I was having a romantic shave with a few candles going, and suddenly my face went up in flames? I’m sure it’s not likely, but it could happen. Take a look at the video and the screenshots below:

For fuck’s sakes… what’s with people making it through elementary school without knowing the most basic grammar and spelling? I don’t claim to be an English professor, but I do have a basic grasp of the English language. My personal pet peeves in this regard involve those who cannot discern the difference between “your” and “you’re”, and to a lesser extent, those who cannot tell the difference between “they’re”, “there”, and “their”.

So, here’s a brief lesson on using the words “your” and “you’re” correctly. It’s very easy, and it only requires a split second of thought before typing or writing.

First lesson: Your vs. You’re
Your - belongs to you
You’re - a contraction of the words “you are”

Here are some examples of the proper use of the word “your”:

“Is that your beer?”
“Let’s go to your house.”
“Your girlfriend is hot.”

In each of the above sentences, the word “your” is used to show possession of something. If you own something, it is yours.

Now here are a few examples of the phrase “you’re”:

“You’re going to regret this.”
“Do you know if you’re going to the party this weekend?”
“You’re a bitch.”

In each of the above examples, the phrase “you’re” is basically an abbreviation for the two words “you are”.

Next time you are writing one of the above words, take a moment to determine what it is that you are trying to say. (What you’re trying to say… see how easy it is?) If necessary, say it out loud to help you figure out which word is the correct one.

If someone were to send me a message saying “Your an idiot”, I would be perplexed, thinking to myself, “My an idiot”?? If someone typed “Your car is on fire”, I would immediately understand that MY car is on fire.

Strangely, I occasionally see people completely screw things up and try writing something like this:

“Your going to have to make you’re own dinner”

Usually people will only mess up one or the other, not both. It is my suspicion that many people have no idea that the word “you’re” even exists. If for one reason or another you are still having difficulty understanding this extremely simple concept, then I’ll ask you to use the two separate words “you” and “are”, rather than trying to figure out if “your” or “you’re” is correct.

This concludes my mini English lesson for the day. In the future, I will tackle the issue of “they’re” vs. “there” vs. “their”. Now I can’t wait to get comments from people who will intentionally mix up these words to annoy me further. Trust me, if you are thinking of doing that, you aren’t original, and you aren’t funny. Good luck, idiots.